Three engaging and humorous takes on being (im)patient.

Impatient Patient

I am early,
Dentist is late.
Dumb magazines
Are my fate.

Mouth wide open,
Cheek and gum numb.
Maybe those magazines
Weren’t so dumb.

Bridget Magee

Impatient patient.
cartoon: Ronaldo Dias

Impatient Patient

(for Julia Darling, in appreciation)

Such an impatient patient…
I’m waiting for
gas to pass,
stitches to dissolve,
and visiting nurses
to knock
on my front door.

One week post-op
I’m waiting for
path reports
(good news, please),
permission to drive
and stacks of get well cards
in my mailbox.

Slow torture
mending day by day,
(heal me, free me),
weary me – waiting for
my “new normal”
to appear
(whatever the hell that means…).

The surgeon counsels patience;
Take six weeks or so:
(sooner, I beg, faster, I say).
impatient patient
I’m sick and tired
of recovery.

Give me
my strength,
my health,
my energy back!
impatient patient
I might just as well ask
seeds to grow,
buds to burst
and flowers to bloom

on my command.

Alysa Cummings

'The bad news is you've got something no one's ever heard of...the good news is we're naming it after you!'
cartoon: Bill Whitehead

The impatient Patient

Today’s true tom tale;

Today was Dr. day at the clinic
I ended up the day quite a cynic
I’d been awake three days,
With a toothache and pain that slays
My jagged teeth cutting up my tongue
And the promise of help to which I clung
For no more of this pain could I endure,
I desperately did seek some kind of cure

Appointment at 2:15- told the taxi 1:30
I knew the fib was a tad dirty…
“Hedge the bet” one might say,
Sad to think one must be that way,
Of course in this case he showed up at 1PM
And I was in the waiting room at 1:15
Fastest response I’d ever seen.

So I sat in the waiting room as
Clerical shifts came and went
My patience seemed nearly spent

At last I was escorted to an examining room,
To sit and ponder my future doom…
For over an hour I sat there,
Reading all the posters on the wall,
About various diseases,
Soon I had them all!
Cervical cancer,
Malignant volvulus,
Infected ovaries,
Fibroid tumors in my uterus,
A glumaceous gluteus,
Obstructed bowels,
Deviated septum
Anemia, edemia
Enlarged prostate,
Shrunken prostate
Eczema, Lupus
All these for me!

I hoped he didn’t keep me waiting too much longer,
Surely I wasn’t getting stronger….
I’d be dead in ten more afflictions
If he could not cure all these conditions.

I felt my life force start to fade
Look at what these posters made!
Surely life was slipping away,
I couldn’t stand,
I began to sway.

In he finally came,
Suddenly I did not feel
the same,
I might survive the day after all,
My approaching death grew
rather small.

Next time, bring a book,
For in terms of time,
It hardly took,
Much time to catch
All these ills,
Or at least come in,
With made out wills.

Tom Bell

(cartoon above text: Neil Dishington)